Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a Choice.  Let me say that again and a little louder for the people in the back... HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.  What do I mean by that? 

When we are children, our choices are limited.  We are being molded by our parents, our siblings, our environment, and much of our thought processes are formed in those early years when choice isn’t a large factor.  Some may have been exposed to a home filled with kindness, patience, compassion and understanding while others may have experienced anger and shame and learned that in order to survive, they needed to put up walls. 

These patterns are learned, through spoken words and witnessed actions, and these learned behaviors create a groove in our brains.  We revisit that groove many times each day, and the more we practice whatever we learned in that groove, the more second nature it becomes.  As children, we don’t know anything different, and so our days may be filled with happiness & joy, or they may be filled with anger & sadness and that’s the norm...but then one day, we move away from our childhood home and everything has the potential for change.

This is when happiness becomes a choice.  When you are an adult, you no longer live under the rules and environmental restrictions you grew up in.  You are exposed to a multitude of enlightened people now, both online and in person.  Every day we see articles and videos promoting self care, self love, and happiness...and we also see a multitude of stores about violence, aggression, hate and sadness.  Which do we gravitate to? It’s a choice.

Think about these 2 scenarios: 

1.        You can choose to start each day with a smile on your face and a positive outlook for the day.  You can speak to yourself, and to others, with kindness, patience, compassion and encouragement.  If you encounter an obstacle, you can deal with it appropriately and not let it define your mood or your happiness for the remainder of the day.  You can look for solutions and you can have self-confidence to know that you actively control yourself.  Positivity is a thought process and defines the way our internal dialogue speaks, as well as what we show to the world.  Having gratitude may take a little extra work sometimes, but it truly feels good. This scenario is an example of choosing happiness.

                               OR

2.        You can choose to start each day with a scowl on your face and a negative outlook for the day.  You can speak to yourself, and others, with anger, impatience, judgement and frustration.  If you encounter an obstacle, you can overreact and explode about it, and then let it overshadow your mood, creating disappointment for the remainder of the day.  You can complain and point out things that irritate you, and you can blame others instead of looking inward.  Why bother having gratitude when there’s no extra work involved with just being critical and unhappy? This scenario is an example of NOT choosing happiness.

See, it’s all about choices.  We are given hundreds of moments every single day (1,440 of them to be exact), and each of those moments gives us an opportunity make a choice...will we choose happiness or anger.  What mood do you want to spend your day feeling?

Some people have a natural gravity towards negative thinking, also known as Negativity Bias.  It’s an interesting phenomenon that even when positive or neutral things of equal intensity occur, experiences of a more negative nature have a greater effect on a person’s psychological state.  People that have a tendency towards the negative do experience positive emotions, but something more unpleasant (bad social interactions, inconsiderate drivers, sad thoughts, remembering an annoyance, etc) will have a much more profound impact on their day. Even if there were 50 positive or neutral experiences that may have occurred in the same day, they tend to focus on the few "bad" ones.  This negativity dominance can really make for a miserable daily experience, for the person and for anyone around them.  The thought groove etched in the brain during childhood gives an overall negative interpretation of situations, and then the adult mind runs with it. 

How does one intentionally choose happiness and disrupt the negative bias? Well first, if you aren’t aware of a behavior, it won’t be changed.  However, if you become aware of a negative behavior and realize it’s not serving your best self (and it’s upsetting the people around you), you have the ability to learn a new behavior. I'd even go as far as to say you have an obligation.  Will it be easy, probably not.  Will you slip up and have occasional negative thought tendencies, most certainly.  The good news is you can make a choice every single day to choose happiness and eventually, a new groove will etch in your brain.

I do want to mention that I’m not talking about toxic positivity, where you obsessively try to control everything around you to be the brightest and cheeriest space, because that will eventually wear you down too.  There are also considerations with mental health that factor in, such as Depression, Anxiety, and various Personality Disorders to name a few. These conditions may have chemically altered the brain and I realize it's not a matter of simply flipping a switch.  Mental Health Awareness is huge now and raising awareness about others (and ourselves) while consciously working on changes, is a wonderful goal and also a choice.  Even on my most depressed days (and yes, I have suffered from bipolar depression for over 35 years), I still choose to be kind to others.  Just that small act of kindness is my way of trying to choose happiness, even in the midst of my own struggles.  In fact, during those times I probably have more compassion for everyone else EXCEPT myself...self love during those rough episodes is hard work, but it's a choice I purposfully work on.  You can too. :)

We each have our own stories and factors contributing to who we are as adults and why we think the way we do.  I guess the main message I’m trying to get across is that as adults, we have choices. Choosing happiness and positivity over anger and negativity can be a daily, conscious thought. Life presents us with enough challenges...so if we can choose happiness more often, I think we will enjoy every day of our lives so much more. In closing, I wish every one of you a day filled with patience, laughter, compassion, and happiness.

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